歲月拾遺

我一直非常非常喜歡這個版本。

音樂真的是一件很重要的事情（當然閱讀也是）。在這忙碌的三月一開始。我聆聽他們，在深夜，輾轉難眠的時時刻刻（是的，我在床上翻來覆去無法入睡）。感到戰慄。原來這是音樂的力量。過去我很喜歡看電影。近社會開始工作後。集中注意力在螢幕上，變成一件很困難的事，除非是進戲院。

不好意思透露給別人知道。我喜歡在某些需要哭泣的時刻（例如這幾天）一個人跑去看電影（當然我沒時間）。大螢幕開始播放預告片尚未進入本片，往往都會有一股不知道該怎麼說的美好從身體的深處湧出，於是乎我哭了，在沒有人認識我的戲院。我還記得那是一個星期天的早上。我跑去看《聽說》。聽說一開始我就哭了。然後一路哭到結束，尤其是在兩姊妹吵架的時候，姊姊打著手語：為什麼你要搶走我的夢想？

那種為別人而活的感覺，我清清楚楚的意識到。做那個妥協的自己。

不要，不要，不要告訴我這就是人生，似乎這五個字就斷了所有的路。我們便無法成為我們自己，在這廣袤的天地，生命可以有另外一種展演。

我又在他的blog上看到我曾經謄寫在時光流旅的文字，那是青峰說得：「請你一定要相信自己，一定要接受，喜歡自己的樣子，一定要讓自己變成你真心會喜歡的樣子。 如果你想要做的不是長輩所控制你的樣子，不是社會所規定你的樣子，請你一定要勇敢的為自己站出來，溫柔的推翻這個世界，然後把世界變成我們的。」

在書寫貧乏了這麼多的日子裡，我跟不上工作的腳步，遠遠的落後在進度之外。然後我又開始在上下班途中聽歌，讓音樂穿透我自己，無論是歡樂的有如「喇舌」或小品的「我在歐洲，打電話給你」，還是唱出許多人心聲的「沒那麼簡單」。

我想起平井堅發精選集時的主題：生命之歌。Killing Me Softly With His Song。獻給我自己，謹此紀念。


Fugees - Killing Me Softly With His Song lyrics

Strumming my pain with his fingers
Singing my life with his words
Killing me softly with his song
Killing me softly with his song
Telling my whole life with his words
Killing me softly with his song

I heard he sang a good song, I heard he had a style
And so I came to see him, to listen for a while
And there he was, this young boy, a stranger to my eyes

Strumming my pain with his fingers
Singing my life with his words
Killing me softly with his song
Killing me softly with his song
Telling my whole life with his words
Killing me softly with his song

I felt all flushed with fever, embarassed by the crowd
I felt he'd found my letters and read each one out loud
I prayed that he would finish, but he just kept right on

Strumming my pain with his fingers
Singing my life with his words
Killing me softly with his song
Killing me softly with his song
Telling my whole life with his words
Killing me softly

He sang as if he knew me in all my dark despair
And then he looked right through me as if I wasn't there
But he was there, this stranger, singing clear and loud

Strumming my pain with his fingers
Singing my life with his words
Killing me softly with his song
Killing me softly with his song
Telling my whole life with his words
Killing me softly with his song